Scattered chatter

  Before I start each trip I take a moment.I do a quick prayer with my Saint Christopher around my neck.
More for the safety of my passengers.
One never knows what’s coming…In essence we are travelers.We spend our days venturing through different neighborhoods and downtown.We are never in one spot.It’s been almost twelve years since I’ve worked in a building or office setting…To be honest after what I’ve dealt with in this job for that many years I don’t know how I’d react to some petty office squabble…
  I start the bus and clear my thoughts.I let go of personal issues and open the door to my first passengers. I greet everyone that boards.I offer a smile.Sometimes I’m greeted back or ignored.Either way I keep moving.I try to keep discrepancies short and quiet.As the bus moves I see the places I used to hang out at or places that have replaced my past.I see people as they board and I look through them.I can imagine their homes or lack of.I can imagine where they are going or coming from.When they board with little money I can see where they are in life,especially when they have children with them…I try to keep moving and keep harmony.Somtimes the ones that disrupt the harmony have to be removed.
  In my mind my favorite songs play.At times they create a strange theme or soundtrack to what’s going on or who is boarding…I find my mood affects everyone who is riding.When I’m in a good mood everyone seems to feel it.When I’m in a bad mood the bus is quiet.We are all surrounded by each other in this mobile social study.My songs blare over the chatter.It can get overwhelming being in that driver’s seat.Orchestrating a chaos of people.At times I feel like a teacher scolding a student. “You can’t do that, Charlie.Go to time out.”The songs in my head get louder.
  Colfax is a very historical and interesting street.It’s old dirty charm…The dust of the gutters has an aroma that clings to your clothes.The people are in their own way iconic and their originality makes my day beam and at times angry.I am grateful to be part of it,from it,and driving it…I welcome all,come for a ride…

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Public transportation is picking up random strangers…

  The essence of the job day to day for me is driving up and down East Colfax and picking up every random person that wants a ride.Ask yourself, would you do this in your car?Would you stop every couple blocks and pick up some random strangers?After awhile it wears off that’s what you’re doing because it becomes part of your job and day to day life.After awhile you just don’t think on those terms anymore.You just board everyone and hope it goes well.
  If you are a person who is very judgemental you won’t last long. It’ll soon enough drive you crazy peeking at these people’s lives.You’ll have a full window all day into world’s you’ve either never known about or escaped from.Or are part of.Regardless,as a bus driver you can’t dwell on who is doing what,no matter your belief system.You can’t look down on anyone.Of course you can in the back of your mind shake your head at the way some people live their life when it effects you.Like when they are alcoholics and they board with aggressive behavior,because they just became your problem.Or when they are some inconsiderate asshole boarding with music blasting from their phone and they refuse to turn it off…they just became your problem.
  All in all in our minds as bus drivers is to just hope people get on with their fare and sit down without drama or issues and let us just get to the end without issues.When people say we are grumpy assholes,they don’t consider before they boarded they didn’t see the guy calling us “nigger” or “bitch” to our face because they decided we are supposed to let them ride for free or with an open beer.You are supposed to pay for your fare just as you are supposed to pay the 7-11 clerk for whatever you’re buying.It’s really just as simple as that.Yes,sometimes there are situations that call for exception,and I’m more than willing to help in these situations, but listen carefully…we can see through bullshit like you can see through water.We get it all day…All freaking day…We know exactly who you are before we even open the door.This job has opened us up to human behavior on a level you’ll never understand unless you do it.The next time you think a bus driver is a jerk,stop and think about being in our place and what we may just have experienced before you judge…Picking up strangers off the street is not by far the easiest life.But we do it because we are bad ass enough to handle it. 

Snowy Colfax

  The dirty old street is covered in snow.The old houses turned into apartments have smoke coming from the rooftops as ice hangs from the gutters.People are in a mixture of moods ranging from docile to heightened to agitated.You can smell the different aromas of different foods being cooked from the various restaurants as I open the door to the bus at each stop…
  People are on their best behavior on snow days.It is a long walk or wait for the next bus in the cold so no one wants the boot into the dreary weather.No one expects us to be on time necessarily either.Needless to say,these are the most laid back days.
  I was actually on time all day today.I got all my layover breaks and had a rather good day.At the light of Peoria and Colfax heading west there was a man sitting by me.He was tall,looked weathered and was in his early sixties.He had a light mocha colored skin and shabby clothes that didn’t appear to really protect him for the weather.
“Hey,mister bus driver,how do I get to Jesus Saves?The homeless shelter?How do I get there from your bus?”
I explained the routing.
“Thank you,mister bus driver.Thank you.”He said and we both sat there,both steeped in a weird boredom.After a moment as the light turned green he said,”I used to play with lots of different bands.I used to play with Earth Wind and Fire,is a bitch what coke can do to you.”and we both started laughing.
  I’ve had him on my bus over the years.He used to have a wife he rode with.She looked older than him,long gray hair and pale almost transparent white skin and she used a walker.He was always so attentive to her.She passed away a couple of years ago.I actually remembered them from three years ago looking for a good place to eat on Colfax.He told me money was no object and they talked excitingly about going out.I referred them to Bastien’s.I have seen him also over the past couple of years here and there.
  We started talking after his ice breaker.We both loved music and talked a lot about jazz and 50’s and 60’s rock.We talked about the instruments we loved.He pointed out places where he played.I found myself really enjoying our conversation.As we made our way onto 15th Street I saw his bus to the shelter,the route 48.I tried to catch up to it,but it had left the stop.I called dispatch.Normally on snow days we don’t do courtesy waits,but I told them I had an elderly gentleman needing to get to Jesus Saves before 5:00 and asked can they please please hold that bus on 16th Street mall for him.I stopped on the corner of 15th and Curtis street before the actual stop and we said goodbye to each other.I saw him rush to the bus as I shut the door and made my way to Auraria.It dawned on me how much I liked talking to him,and that though I’ve seen him for many years that was the first time we really talked.I may not see him or talk to him for another few years or again,who knows if we’ll cross paths…This job is funny like that…People just come and go,but we always remember where we left them off….

Holiday

  The excitement of travelers,the lights,the people standing in balcony areas of bars and restaurants,the light traffic on and outside the bus…It’s nice.There is no rush.There is no tension.There were no swears thrown at me today.
  I got a Christmas present from one of my passengers.He is trying to quit meth.He is younger than me,late 20’s or early 30’s.I am 38.He is covered in tattoos,but that is not what makes it apparent he is a meth addict.It’s his jumping around,his spitfire way of holding a conversation.His words are all over the place,so that the conversation usually changes mid sentence.I have always had a soft spot for him.He has never really intentionally made a problem for me.Often times when he boards it’s like a tornado just showed me a bus pass and before I know it,he’s running across the street to whatever craziness awaits his day.He gave me a puzzle with elephants on it.Still in the plastic wrapping…
  A few weeks before he boarded my bus and did not look good.He was coughing really hard and looked thinner then usual.He talked slower.He told me he had pneumonia.He actually layed in one place the whole time.When I got to the end he asked me in a pleading way if he could stay on the bus.I looked at him and knew he was not well.We talked for a bit and it was strange actually being able to understand him.
  He told me he’s been clean for over a month. He was in the far back of the bus,legs stretched out and curled up by the window in the corner,with his hood over his head.To avoid using he was sleeping on the streets,being away from his cohorts.He was not allowed home.Already sick,being on the street brought on the pneumonia.I felt for him.I don’t like seeing people suffer…but I don’t like being a doormat either,so I don’t always offer help.
  Seeing him like this really bothered me.I’ve never seen him so….still.I asked if he’d been to the doctor and if he’s taking anti-biotics.He told me he went to the doctor,but he didn’t have enough for anti-biotics,and his parents wouldn’t give him money.I understood both sides…but honestly understood his parents’ side more.
   Still,I could see he was sick and I gave him money to get the anti-biotics.I took a chance.Part of me wondered if I was giving to a lost cause,if he’d choose meth to ease his pain temporarily.Part of me believed he’d spend it on the meds.The part of me that believed he’d spend it on the meds won.I gave him the money.If I saw him anytime soon I’d find out what he did.
  The next day came and he was waiting for me at Downing street.He knew when I’d be there.He was savvy enough to know it was my set schedule as an individual and that I did this Monday through Friday,and I’d be there at that time.He jumped on the bus in this wild frenzy.I could still understand what he was saying.I could tell he was just excited.He pulled the anti-biotics out of his backpack.He showed me it was that day’s date.I wouldn’t have asked him to prove he got the anti-biotics,I knew I was taking a chance,but that was on me,not him…Still,he stood there in front of everyone telling me he spent my money on anti-biotics and not drugs,really excited and proud of himself.In a way I felt proud of him too…
   So he gets on a few weeks later and he is waiting for me.He is holding the puzzle.He looks happy.He only rides to the next stop,to only give me the present.He is all happy and looks a hundred percent better.I feel happy.Not because I helped him,nor because he spent the money on much needed meds…but because he looked happy.Genuinely happy…that was present enough.As he handed me the puzzle and told me Merry Christmas,he told me how he had a phone that got stolen,while he was passed out at a McDonald’s,but it was ok because he had stolen it in the first place…I couldn’t help but feel for him and all that he’s going through,as self inflicted as it may be,I could see the human in him trying to come out and do the right thing…
  Merry Christmas to him.Merry Christmas to all who have nothing.Merry Christmas to all who have everything or who are making do like me and my wife,Merry Christmas to everyone.Merry Christmas and God bless everyone.We all are just trying to get by…

Time has come today….

  After some years of being a bus driver you start to notice people and the changes they go through…For instance there was this one gentleman whom rides regularly. He is a college student and very young.When he first started riding he was very masculine, his clothes reminded me of 90’s skateboarders…Then you start to notice the change.For two years now I’ve watched him grow into himself.
  Two years have gone by and I’ve seen him change into another aspect of himself.There are no parents around…
There is no one to tell him who to be.He had become a full fledged homosexual.I watched his transition into his own identity take place each day right in front of me.
   Over the years I’ve seen a lot of transitions in people.I’ve seen people become junkies.There is this one guy who used to own a construction company.He would ride the bus because of medical issues.At one point his wife left him.He used to be very clean,groomed and everyday he’d tell a corny funny joke when he boarded.He was a short,round man,white,with sort of a mullet going on.He’d start conversations with people and he was otherwise jolly.
  Shortly after his wife left him I started noticing more and more him getting on the bus with beer and vodka (not opened of course).It went from a can here and there and a bottle every few days to a case everyday and a bottle everyday.I’d talk to him and ask how he was doing.One day after he opened up to me about certain things I pleaded with him to get help.I even recommended some good services to seek out.
  Over the course of time I noticed he lost a lot of weight.His appearance was more disheveled.He was a lot less jolly and a lot more methy….He would make phone calls looking for drugs,out loud on the bus.Somedays when he got on his eyes would look like they were bulging out of his head.His clothes were dirty.He was always agitated.One day I actually had to kick him off the bus for trying to pick a fight with some teenagers.Then after a bit I didn’t see him for a year.When I did,he was on a street corner with a sign asking for money.I barely recognized him.
   I used to get this one guy.He was Hispanic,young,early twenties.He was always high on heroin.Sometimes he’d try to get on the bus like he was a zombie.His motor skills being off,his eyes half closed and rolling back in his head.He couldn’t even make it up the steps.He probably had just shot up in the alley.After some failed attempts to board he’d laugh insanely and give up.He go curl up against the building on the sidewalk and pass out.Naive people would think he was sick.Everyone else knew he just needed to sleep it off,otherwise we all have other places to go.
  I didn’t see him for a year.Appearantly he got caught in a burglary.He spent some time in jail.Then transfered to rehab.Then back out into the world and on my bus.It was strange seeing him sober.For a bit he seemed overwhelmed and anxious a lot.He was actually really funny when he was sober.The more we talked the more I liked him.He got a job.Then an apartment.Then a girlfriend.He seemed really happy.He came a long way from this dirty street kid sleeping on the sidewalk to this young man who was getting his life together.I still see him a lot.
   Everyday when we are out there as bus drivers we come to know all of you in one way or another.When we are pulling into the stop we already know what you are going to generally do before you even board.We have sized you up before we even open the door.Part of it is a defense mechanism,part of it curiosity.Mostly we are just preparing for whatever it is we need to say and do that will keep the bus rolling,to keep heading down that dilapidated old street to whatever fate it is that awaits you and your story as you walk through the doors and onto that grimy old pavement….

Solitude.

  There just seems to be those days.That day where you wake up with every intention of having a good day.It may start out with actually feeling rested.From a good dream.With a shit eating grin on your face…And when you stub your toe on the edge of the bed that should be your first warning to take the day off…but you’re determined it’s nothing but a minor set back to an otherwise glorious day ahead…yep,should have called in and stared at the ceiling all day,but one can never truly see these days coming.This I believe is where the Yiddish word “schmuck” originates.From not seeing the otherwise obvious…
  I limped into the bathroom and got the shower running.My son was at his mom’s so I didn’t have to drive him across town to school.The extra two hours sleep was nice.I missed him tremendously,and hoped he was having a good morning as I got into the shower.My wife was still asleep.She works nights and sleeps during the day.Our cats crawl into bed taking my warm place as I prepare for the day.The shower was nice and warm.I sang “everyday” by Buddy Holly as I put shampoo in my hair.The pain in my toe was going away.As I started rinsing off the shampoo,some got in my eyes and began to sting.I tried to pull our shower head off to rinse them out when I slipped and fell onto the tub floor.Luckily I caught myself enough to not have a worse fall,but I landed right on my right side rib cage.Oh it hurt.I made my way up, cleaned out my eyes,finished up and got dressed.
  My wife is a sweetheart and makes my lunch when she gets home from work.She gets putzie when she gets home.I put my badges on my uniform and pulled my lunch out and set it on the counter.One of our cats knocked down a plant and got dirt everywhere.I cleaned it up and realized I was now running late.I threw on my jacket and grabbed my backpack and walked to the bus stop.Once there I realized I left my lunchbox at home.I don’t usually carry cash and I don’t have a card,so I realized at that point I was ass out going to have one of those days…my bus came.Still,the schmuck in me held onto the idea things might get better.
  I get off at Onieda and cross the street.This is where I make relief,at Colfax and Onieda.I sit and pull out a book.Not long until my bus arrives,so I start reading.I get caught up reading and realize some time has gone by.I look at my watch.It’s 26 minutes after my bus was supposed to leave,outside of the arrival time,I realize altogether it’s 38 minutes late….I stand up and start pacing.Another six minutes pass by and it finally arrives.It was not my regular driver.I quickly set up the mirrors and transfers and log on.I call dispatch to see if I can get respaced.The driver gave me no reason why he was almost an hour late on a thirty minute trip….Dispatch tells me to just run it late.At this point I think to myself it doesn’t matter I didn’t bring my lunch…I’m not getting a break for the rest of the day.As bus drivers we don’t have scheduled lunch breaks or ten minute breaks every two hours…it’s all based on our layover,and if we’re late in our layover time there goes our break…
  Despite the amount of busses on Colfax it’s inevitable that if you’re late there will be shit tons of people at every stop.Not to mention how many of them that won’t have their fare ready or need the lift.And have tons of groceries.The lift doesn’t bother me.You need it for a reason.The groceries doesn’t bother me as much either.If you don’t have a car you have to make due…But not having your fare ready really eats me.You see me coming.There is absolutely no reason to wait until I pull up to start looking for it,especially when there is a line of people behind you.I can’t yell at you,but believe me I cheer inside when someone else starts to speak up.It has become a huge pet peave of mine.It’s just very inconsiderate and wastes so much time….
  Right away people are pissed as well.For starters,there were three local busses ahead of me,mind you they were supposed to be behind me…but as a passenger it would appear like an extra bus was out there.Maybe it’s my vibe wanting to hurry that makes people realize I’m late?I don’t know.All I know is people start taking stuff out on me.Calling me “nigga” and “asshole”,or the beloved “bitch”.I figure I’m late,so screw it.I get them off the bus when they start calling me names.I pull over,open both doors,one way or another I don’t leave until they are off and I’ve gotten the last middle finger flung at me.I’m not a punching bag and we don’t have to tolerate this behavior.No one should.
  The day has gone on at this point.The late minutes have dwindled to just a few minutes.I’ve been called many of things,not had a chance to piss or eat or smoke a cigarette in almost seven hours.I make the turn onto 14th Street from Larimer.I have about thirty college students on the bus.A car on my right side started pulling up as I was making the right turn.I see she has still a car length and a half in front of her.I compensate for the future space I’ll  have and then she stops short.She got a text and I remember seeing her look at her phone as she steps on her breaks and the side of my bus collides with the rear corner of her car.You can hear the crunching sound.The students all grumble as we pull off to the side.She pulled over first and you can actually hear the plastic from her tail light fall onto the pavement.I get my passengers off my bus as I block traffic for them.Only one of them was nice enough to say “I hope your day gets better.”The rest personally griped at me as they walked to the next bus stop.After ten minutes the supervisor and police officer show up.The lady was at least friendly during all this despite the damage I caused her car.The cop asked if she wanted me to get a ticket and she said no.The supervisor cleared it with dispatch after the lady and cop left.I finally got a break.He told me to go back to Auraria and wait until my next leave time.I finally used the restroom,smoked a couple cigarettes,took a deep breath and did my last trip.I got home that night after work and though I missed my wife and son,I sat in silence and enjoyed the little bit of solitude before my wife got home from work.I didn’t have the tv on or my record player.I didn’t read.I just sat and stared at the floor for a couple of hours and breathed.

Downing st. Requiem

  I open today with a question.Does your job have a bathroom around some corner or in a hallway,easily accessible to you?Does your job have a water fountain and coffee maker?Perhaps an area with a microwave?We do,but in the garages we have.Three in total.Platte,just outside downtown,Boulder and my garage,East Metro,just off Colfax and Billings.But alas our jobs as drivers requires us to be driving and not necessarily hanging out at the garage.When one is need of food and water we must carry and provide such ourselves.A restroom can be tricky.Most places off Colfax don’t offer public restrooms, even to us in uniform.Certain privileges such as those mentioned are not alloted us.We must find our own means.
  Sometimes we have issues that require us to get relieved early.Does your job allow you to leave early if you are sick?You clock out and leave if you just can’t make it through the day?Our job is a little trickier…Once a friend of mine had a heart attack on duty.He was doing the 32.Something went wrong,he slumped in the driver’s seat and put in the emergency call setting to dispatch.He was pulled over at 23rd and York st.He was gasping for air and all he could get out to dispatch was “ambulance,ambulance…”At this point he fell to the floor of the bus and lied there holding his chest and trying to breathe.An elderly man walked to him and said “Can you just drive to Colorado Blvd and drop me off,then back the bus up here for an ambulance?” Another passenger blurted out “Can’t you see this man is having a heart attack??If you ask again I’ll take your skinny old white ass and throw you to Colorado!!”He ended up surviving and got healthy enough to continue driving.He was saved.
  Sometimes I get migraines. They come on from time to time.I have learned many techniques to stop them,but sometimes they happen and I can’t deter them.It’s at this point I have to call in for sick relief. I can’t just tell my supervisor I have one and leave.I have people on the bus.I am out at some point in the city,often miles from my garage.Once I call in for sick relief,dispatch has to call my division. From there they work out which extra board driver has the hours available to cover me.From there,they have to figure out how to get that driver to me.Sometimes it can be tricky,because each division has only one car for these situations. Sometimes street supervisors are on calls as well.In the meantime you have to try and continue on unless it’s too unbearable,but when you have people on the bus depending on you,you want to try your hardest to continue service. It has been well over a decade where I worked at a job with luxuries like a bathroom and food available. Where I can just clock out and go home if I start throwing up or have a migraine.
  Out on the road you really have to rely on yourself for many things.We don’t have a kit with bandaids and headache relief.We provide these things ourself.You as passengers see us as drivers with backpacks.Our backpacks provide us with the things we need.
  I drove,and got a call to pull over.I had a migraine and had been vomiting from the pain.I was pulling over at bus stops and vomiting in the trash cans at each one. When I got the call to pull over,it was over an hour since I called it in.The driver taking over wandered out of the supervisor car and I relayed what information he needed like detours and where the person who needed the lift had to get out.The passengers sat confused and wondering what was going on.In the meantime I made my way to the supervisor car to be carted back to the garage.The bus sat at Downing st as the new driver set up the mirrors.I put my head against the window because the pressure felt good.At last I could get home and get to a nice dark place to rest.At home with accessible water and restroom….At home with things I needed…In a place where I could stretch out and have all basic human necessities available.